How to change other people

Helping other human beings it is especially hard because they have this "strange" quality called free-will. Because of it you can't tell them what to do or what not to do. Telling them what to do or not do will only create conflict or cause them to rebel against what you tell them just to feel free.

We were design to be free, when someone is attempting to control you it is ignoring your need for autonomy, no matter what the intention of that person might be it is not going to feel good because you are no longer free. I am not talking only about the pain that comes when you realize that you are doing something wrong, interacting with people like this will add another level of pain.

Seeing other people that have problems, reminds us that it is impossible to avoid problems, the person that is trying to "help" the person who is attempting to control does so in order to control his own anxiety. Because if the other person is going to change and be well it maintains the denial of the person that was so benevolent and offered to help.

Not only there is a hidden intention between the action and the true intention of the people that are trying to help you by controlling you. It is also a very inefficient way to help.

By attempting to control other for their own good, doesn't respects them as actually human being that have free-will and are capable of self-preservation. The other person is going to feel it and become defensive.

It is impossible to save everybody, unfortunately this is the nature of the world some people will suffer and live horrible lives. This realisation can cause you some anxiety because you are no exception the only difference between you and the people who live in Africa that don't have enough to eat is simply luck, you were lucky enough to be born in a better place.

Learning to accept this is going to allow you to control your own anxiety and stop projecting it on others, which will allow you to interact with others in a way that is respecting them as human that are able to practice self-preservation and have free-will. Which is going to give them the highest chance to be receptive to what you tell them and give them the highest chance to change. It is not a guaranty that they will, it is not your responsibility to change others, you can only connect and give feedback if it is necessary. Because human beings have autonomy the only way you can help people is by helping them accomplish what they already attempting to accomplish anything else than that is either abuse or sabotage.