The truth about denial!

When it comes to denial there are only four aspects you can deny. We adopt multiple strategies to avoid certain things in our lives for example if you are in denial about being an alcoholic you deny your emotional pain, if you are in an abusive relationship you deny violence or if you suffer form depression you deny failure etc.

By denying thinks like: pain, failure, death or violence, you can't adopt the best strategies in life so you are going to self-sabotage yourself, for example if you deny violence you might get in an abusive relationship and fail to see that the person whit who you have a relationship is being abusive towards you, this is going to lead to mental disorders like Stockholm syndrome.

Self-sabotaging yourself on a longer term is going to lead to chronic lose that your body is going to give you feedback by making you hurt emotionally. When you are mentally healthy you flow relatively easy from negative to positive, you experience pain followed by pleasurable moments followed by pain etc. If you deny pain in any way like you think that when you are going to achieve certain goals in your life: like make enough money or find the right partner or subscribe to any of those philosophies dedicated to create an utopia.

Even if you are successful in accomplishing this goals there is still going to be pain after you accomplish these goals, so now when pain comes in your life you think that this shouldn't happen, that it is abnormal to be hurting, now you are felling the usual inescapable pain but you are creating pain in your life by thinking that there should be no more pain. You start sabotaging yourself and the pain you experience becomes chronic, it becomes agony.    

Whenever you are in denial about something negative you start sabotaging yourself and that aspect you deny becomes chronic. From pain you end up with agony, from failure you end up with incompetence, from violence you end up with war and from death you end up with decay.

Opposites attract each-other the same way that magnets do, this is why you can't be in a constant state of bliss. The best you can do is flow easy from one extreme to the other.

1. Pain, if there is a certainty in life is that you are going to experience pain through out your life. Whenever you deny the pain you don't only will still feel pain but you will stress yourself about being stressed.  

2. Failure, what we call failure for most of the time is just the natural process of learning. When you are learning to ride a bike you are going to fall a couple of times but this doesn't mean that you fail as much that you need that repetition and to learn what works and what doesn't in order to become successful. When you are not willing to fail there is no growth or accumulation of skills so you become incompetent.

3. Violence, it seems that in all the recorded human history we had peace for about 3% of the time for the rest of it there was some major conflict going on, this is why pacifism is fundamentally wrong, they attempt to achieve something that is impossible constant peace. Not only this makes them miserable but it goes against self-preservation if you fail to see violence you are not able to protect yourself against it. I think violence is like earthquakes if you have a lot of small one it is less likely that a major one is going to happen. Avoiding the small conflicts in your life is going to lead to chronic Unsatisfaction for you and the other person which will cause thinks to escalate.

4. Death, the irony about death is that in order to live your life fully you have to make peace with death because death is in fact just a natural part of life. Denying death often leads to chronic anxiety, by realizing that you have very little control over when and how you will die. Anxiety is then redundant because the purpose of anxiety is to prevent dangerous or lethal situations.