What does it mean to be a grown up

There are a lot of big babies in the world. Unfortunately the way we take care of children today it is quite problematic. So many people had traumatic childhoods and because they are unwilling to work and overcome their trauma, they remain emotionally underdeveloped. They have the body of an adult but the emotional maturity of a child.

So what does exactly means to be an adult? The main difference between an adult and a child is that adults are self reliant, they have to relay on themselves to get their needs meet. This means that they use different strategies to get what they want. A baby cries or trows a temper tantrum to alert the adults around them that he is unwell and needs something, while an adult is proactive and takes action for what he/she needs without complaining for how hard it is or when what is desired is not achieved.

A good indicator for emotional maturity is not getting what you need or what expecting to receive and remain happy.

When you are a child you are helpless without others taking care of you, this means that being like by other it is a matter of life and death. Because your parents have to like you and love you enough to put of with the inconvenience of raising a child. You need to be attached other wise you are at least in danger.

When this attachment is not established, childhood tends to be a stressful mess, that could lead to various physical and mental illness one of which is dissociation. It is basically when someone it is under continuous emotional pain and the entire life of that person becomes a catharsis for the pain. This makes it impossible to have any healthy relationship, because when you are avoiding your pain it is impossible to be honest with other people and honesty is what leads to intimacy. It is also the precursor to addiction, according to Dr. Gabor Mate author of a great book about addiction called "In the Realm of Hungry Ghost", says that the problem of his addicted patience always start during childhood, and that addiction it is a simply an attempt for the addicted individual to self medicate for his emotional pain.          

As an adult, probably the most important skill you can learn is how to detach yourself. Because now you can be self relayent, being attached of someone is no longer necessary for your survival. If there is one certainty in life is that something wrong it is going to happen, especially when it comes to relationships. Any attachment you hold you will eventually end up with pain. So then pain is the truth, pain is the only certainty you can have in life. And as we discussed in a previous post pain always leads to pleasure because it stimulates your endocrine system.  

Detachment is not indifference, if i offer you something you don't want regardless the fact that you will get it or not your mood remains unchanged. It is when i offer you something that you are interested in if you get it you are happy if you don't sad. Detachment is when the outcome of that situation is the same if you get it you are happy if you don't you are happy. In order to be able to do that you have to know how to deal with your pain.